Thursday, November 14, 2013

to Cultivate






So its been an age and a day again since I posted.  I lied I said I'd be back..tisk tisk Bunny Dee.  Honestly though there have been ups and downs.  I should perhaps go through them, I'm often concerned that what I write might be a terrible bore to some.  I should stop over thinking and just be more free though.

Diabetes: I've been a diabetic since I was 13 years old.  Thats a good 18 years now.  I don't discuss it on my blog much or at all, its not that I'm ashamed.  I unabashedly take my insulin in public places even when there are constant stares.  I took a class however this august.  The first in 18 years.  I was in the hospital for 5 days when I was first diagnosed, in LA.  Since that day though I just went with what I knew.  I moved on, I lived my life, I was a good diabetic.  I only forgot to take my insulin twice in 18 years.  I needed to re-learn.  Re-tool my insulin doses.  In the act of that however the little 13 year old diabetic reared her frantic little head.  Her little "I've got this.  I don't need your help.  I'm responsible," head.  The class required a look at what we were doing, changing our doses, sent me into high bloodsugar overload I was crying nightly.  I broke down in front of the doctors when they told me that they wanted me to stay at those insulin levels.  When I broke down they looked at me like a caged animal.  I felt like a child again which was strange for a 30 year old woman.  After that I approached my diabetes with a military intensity.  I have a way of doing many things in that fashion.  Every bad bloodsugar even as I was learning was looked at as a failure..my friend finally had to convince me to stop that.  It took months though..

I guess that should be the first thing that I post in this long while.  No need to bog down this post with too much.  I have a good life.  I'm a lucky person in many ways.  Some nights...well many nights I miss open roads.  I want to have experiences in small towns, at little diners, tucked away dive bars.  Maybe its the country girl in me.  My cross country trip with my mother was one of the most beautiful of my life.  The endless country, the kind people, the quirky strange places and moments.  Some days I am not sure the city life is my dream.  Maybe i would be more content in some tiny place where I could have a home and not a room.  A porch and not loud neighbors.  See a sunset in the distance.  Watch a sun rise and drink a cup of coffee.  Maybe I want to just have a cat and draw while it tries to get in my way and paw at my pencil, and my glasses.

Not too unlike my drawing above.  Her name is Aura.  Her cat is named Dido.  She seems like she could fit in a city or the country.  She could be that lady hanging out in Sedona.  Selling crystals and waving at neighbors as they walk down the street.  She could take drives in her old beat up car to the grand canyon to catch the view.  She could be a city girl staying out of the fog or laughing with friends at some local haunt.

I need to remember that I'm born on the same day as Annie Oakley.  Alfred Hitchcock.  Strange people, who did life their way.  Didn't follow trends and were driven.  Sometimes I wish I had more of the driven part..something to cultivate.

xo

Thursday, April 4, 2013

there is a season




 so its been an age and a day since my last posting. I am going to make an effort to change that habit of just putting writing aside. Big news is that I turned 30 in august. I know 30 is a big number but I find that upon reaching it I don't know what it is supposed to mean. Some people go about their lives in steps and I've never been able to do that, its probably why I always put things together wrong when I am given directions. I have a way of going in backwards order.

 So I am 30. I don't have a 401K. I am not in a relationship and I my mind has not settled. That doesn't mean that someone who doesn't follow steps in life doesn't have dreams. I might just not hit mine in the same way others do. I'm working hard on not comparing myself to others and find that I always find short in that goal.

 I am still unsure of where this blog should go, should it be just art, or personal or a mix of both...? what I have found upon turning 30 is that number feels right. For the first time in 6 or more years when asked my age I give the correct number. I am not unsure of it, I like 3's and I'm glad to have another 10 years of that number. I have found that I like to be cozy, that I am more introvert then extrovert and that I have started to really be honest with people about that aspect of me. I like to be in my dreams, oh and I now require glasses to see. I love the desert and the woods, I am afraid and amazed at all the intricate parts of the human body. I want to watch more sunsets I want to cry with friends and laugh with them as well. I want to be an artist. I want to travel more someday. Oh and I have a new tattoo. It's of the dragon smaug and elvish script that says "rabbit spirit" once a nerd always a nerd.. xo

Monday, June 18, 2012

The Bibliophile

A return to my book loving art. I must say that I don't read nearly as much as many of my co workers at the bookstore I work at. My tastes have a tendency to be more visual sometimes. I often find myself distracted from books but those she is seated atop of are all ones I have loved, or are by authors I adore. My two favorite Didion books are Play it As it Lays and "The White Album. I actually this lady(whom I named Athena because shes the goddess of knowledge) was inspired by an ornament I was given this christmas holiday from my uncle. Shes a little 60's look girl with brilliant white hair and a hot pink gingham dress on. The dress in the drawing looks exactly the same as the one my little ornament has on. I spent about 6 days at home getting to be beside my cat and spend time with my family. Saw Prometheus for the second time. I enjoyed it. I have missed a really good SCI FI movie. The plot was a bit all over the place but the visuals were beautiful, even the very dark and frightening stuff that happened had a beauty to it somehow in the way it was lit. I got this sweater before I went home for the trip. By far my new favorite piece of clothing. My parents and brother wont be up to visit again till my birthday. I miss them already. More are to be colored soon!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Lord and Lady

Where have I been on posting. Doing a damn poor job of it. Good news though, I have been drawing a ton! I get inspired in interesting places..well maybe not interesting, who doesn't seem to like Game of Thrones these days? I love these characters. LOVE THEM. Granted I know that there is quite a bit of nudity on the show and some women or most seem to use their sex appeal to get what they need but that doesn't detract from the intensity to me. I never really felt like I could relate to any of the women in Lord of the Rings, and there certainly were far too few of them for us ladies to choose from. Game of Thrones has a ton. I personally adore Arya. Shes headstrong, a tom boy and despises the idea of being a lady. I also find as usually happens I become drawn to the worst sort of male characters..though in my defense these gentlemen do have good qualities hidden under their more vile behavior. Favorites include: Petyr Baelish, Tywin Lannister and Bronn. If you know the show, they you might know what I mean about good qualities in all these dudes. Anyway..the other day I realized I had not drawn a guy in awhile. I wanted to challenge myself a little so I decided to draw Tywin Lannister in full on armor. I've always been attracted to unconventional men. I mean most would say Charles Dance is not..a looker. Hes got a great profile, strong features, powerful voice and intense eyes. Anyway this is the drawing: he was fun to draw. I also wanted to share a drawing that I did of a lady that was inspired by game of thrones. I really wanted to draw a wolf and a lady with a medieval hair style. This is what I came up with. I'm going to do my best to keep up with posting every week now that life seems to have calmed down a bit. Oh and I'm going to see prometheus tonight. Midnight showing woooooooo. Its going to rule worlds.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Sadness

I know that it has been months since I updated. I am going to be coming back to the blog world I promise, within the next few weeks. Today something happened though that broke my heart a bit. My very favorite artist, Maurice Sendak, passed away. I always wanted to write him a letter and tell him what his art meant to me. I was always too nervous to do so. So I'm going to try and express my joy and admiration of such a wonderful artist. His books are probably the first ones that I remember as a kid. "Where The Wild Things Are", "Outside and Over There", "In The Night Kitchen", and The Little Bear Series. I remember relating to Max in wild things. I too believed that there were monsters in the world, and Maurice took me to a world where that was not a silly thing to think. It was real. In Outside and Over There, I could see myself in the big sister that has to go after her baby brother and save him from creatures in the forest. Little Bear was always so curious and turned ordinary things into unimaginable fun. Looking back on his art now I don't really know if I would be the artist I am without his influence. Would my art still try and take fantasy and the normal world and meld them. I learned from Sendak in a way to look at things differently. To express them in a way that could be interpreted differently by many different people. My mom remembers me as a kid often wanting to look at his books, of which we have quite the collection on the shelves at the house. He took me to another world as a kid, one that I could understand and one that didn't talk down to me just because I was a child. As an adult he has taken me to a place where I want to inspire what he did in me. I want people to be thoughtful about what I do. He was a glorious person and FUNNY(if you haven't seen him on his recent interview on the Colbert Report, he is sharp as a knife in the whole thing)and he inspired so many children who later became artists/illustrators. I really will miss his work. He gave so much wonder to so many. Rest in peace Maurice Sendak. you will always be my inspiration.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Secret Garden



A whole month since a post! Now that is bad. I promise to get into the habit of posting once weekly again, which I fell out of recently due to the holidays I'm guessing.
Exciting things are afoot! I am moving from my current place at the 1st of the month, into a room with a view and hardwood floors on a top floor of a two unit complex(instead of living in a large complex of apartments). I will have 3 other awesome housemates which I met last week. One I already knew from work, who helped me get the place. I'm excited to move back into a traditional San Francisco era apartment. I currently live in something more modern. It is also on the top floor so I won't have to deal with the noise that I have for the last year and 3 months. The guy who lives above me is quite loud and enjoys playing loud rap music..I will be glad to be free of that. I am also going to be getting a bike for the commute across the park to work! I haven't had a bike since I was young so I will have to get back into the swing of it.
I wanted to post the above piece because I can't wait to one day color it in. I was watching the 'Secret Garden' when I drew it. I think that movie is so beautiful. I'm hoping to get back into photography once I move as well as getting to explore a brand new neighborhood. Exciting!
I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Gatekeeper 2012


My most recent drawing is called "GateKeeper". I like the idea that a woman holds the protection of her own heart. We are all protectors and coming from a woman who has spent most of her life single I'm looking for something special when it comes to a love. We are all gatekeepers to our souls and hearts, best not to let everyone in. I've been guilty of that in the past so for 2012 its time to be a more careful gatekeeper for whatever key master comes along. Sure that can be taken two ways. Sexual and not. I'm looking for a Dracula not a Jonathan Harker. For a Snape not a James Potter.
I've over heard a ton of people say that 2011 was a horrible year. I could look at it that way but I feel like I've learned a lot. I've felt a love for my art that I didn't think would happen and so I am grateful for 2011.

I rang in the year watching gary oldman play a marvelous spy in "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy" which I enjoyed. I had a chocolate shake and a hamburger at mels and saw a movie. I saw "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" with my mom when she came up on thursday. I didn't expect to like it, but I'm sucker for a bad ass girl. I'd love to draw Lisbeth Salander, she is amazingly tough but inside there is a vulnerability. My art is the opposite, feminine looking girls with a toughness inside. The gatekeeper is that to me. She is all sweetness and softness but shes not going to make it easy to get near that dangling thread, shes in control.
I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe new year.
One of my resolutions is to read more. Another is to get back into pilates 4 times a week. What are yours?

now a picture of me making a silly face. HAPPY NEW YEAR!